It might also explain how Ford could report on so many specific details from the night of her alleged assault yet be unable to recall how she managed to get home. When young children endure severe or prolonged abuse at the hands of a caregiver or loved one, dissociating from reality has some immediate protective effects. Dissociation represents a method of psychological escape when physical escape is not an option—when the child depends on the abuser for food, water, clothing, shelter and emotional connections.
But dissociation works against memory by interfering with the coding, storage and retrieval of trauma memories. Survivors may have amnesia as the trauma is forced out of their conscious awareness. On top of that, the protective effects of dissociation dissolve quickly. With the passage of time, as victims have less physical dependence on their abuser, gain distance from the abusive relationship and have access to alternative ways of navigating the world, trauma memories start to surface, often leaving survivors reeling with more severe symptoms of traumatic stress.
The Paradox of Testimony Dissociation helps explain the shifting perceptions of survivors of childhood trauma who initially deny that abuse ever occurred or don't identify the abuser as a perpetrator and, later, start to view the situation differently. It may explain why, as teenagers, Robson and Safechuck were so adamant in their defense of Jackson, but later, as independent adults, ambiguity and doubt started to set in.
A PTSD sufferer can have trauma memories that are alarmingly vivid and, at the same time, infuriatingly vague. Or, in some cases, there is total amnesia. This paradox has been at the heart of the controversies that have surrounded PTSD and trauma survivors. How reliable can a survivor's story be if the memory of the event is hazy?
The facts of a trauma can dominate a life, yet the specific trauma memories can be excluded from consciousness. How so? In the past two decades, trauma scientists have sought to resolve this paradox by unraveling the essence of how human memory works. Memories are categorized as either explicit or implicit. Explicit memories consist of deliberately retrieved autobiographical facts, such as your telephone number. In contrast, implicit memories are activated by environmental and internal cues, allowing the brain to function on autopilot, like driving a car while listening to the radio.
We rely on implicit memories to govern our response to red lights and meandering pedestrians without having to consciously recall them. It turns out the brain codes traumatic memories as implicit memories. Rather than requiring deliberate retrieval, they are triggered by cues. Traumatic memories are also stored in the brain alongside the sensory information that was experienced during the trauma—the smell of the air, music that was playing on the radio, the sound of rain on the window. All this information is encoded together in interconnected neural networks called fear structures.
If one element in a fear structure is triggered, all related trauma memories could come flooding back. Indeed, a full-blown flashback, such as the one Maria had in my office, means her entire network was activated. This explains her experience of reliving her decades-old sexual trauma in the present.
The strength and size of these fear structures destroy the quality of life for PTSD sufferers. The sensory elements contained in the fear structures are commonly encountered in everyday life and, unwittingly, act as triggers. Many people who choose to be abusive use tactics like these to manipulate and control their partners. Having that future change in this way would be confusing and hurtful to anyone. If you would like to talk more about your relationship and ways to increase your safety, please feel free to call us anytime. All of our conversations are anonymous and confidential.
First off, I am a man and want everyone to understand that no one is immune. It happens to men too, and not wimpy men only. I used to be a firefighter and bouncer. I am also a man who has been raising my kids by myself for 11 years. That said, this past July I married a beautiful woman who had me convinced that we were perfect for each other. I say this because within a month of getting married, She began physical violence against me. Within 3 months from getting married, she was arrested. She began threatening me that she was going to kill others around me.
My kids were too afraid of her to tell anyone. By the time I realized there was a problem, I had been assaulted by her mentally, physically and sexually. I had no clue that the latter was even possible but its not about sex, its about violence and control. After she was arrested, I became devastated and felt guilty. I felt that I had let her down. I thought that something had happened to her that caused her to snap and she just needed help.
I contacted a local organization that helps domestic violence victims to try getting her help and that was when I realized that I was a victim. When she was released from jail, the judge gave her permission to stay at my house that I had prior to us getting married and me and my 2 children had to leave.
The courts dropped the domestic violence case. Primarily because I called the States attorney office and begged them to not send her to jail and get her help instead. That was a huge mistake but that was before I spoke with the D. The day after charges were dropped, she was at my office trying to convince me to come back home. She broke into my car also. With the help of the organization, I filled for an injunction for protection. The day of the hearing I sat in front of the judge with 6 pages of dated incidents where she had attacked me along with photos, police reports and photos of damaged property.
The normal Injunction Judge was not there and we had a substitute judge who heard me speak for a grand total of 45 seconds before stopping me. He looked at my beautiful wife and asked her if she had ever done anything to hurt my. The judge asked her if I was just to sensitive to which she smiled and said well, yes, he is. The judge then asked me if I ever pushed her or hit her to which I said no.
Everyone in the courtroom was shocked from the Victims Advocates, lawyers who heard me speak for less than a minute said they wished I had called them. I have filled for a divorce which thankfully is uncontested, at least for now. Since she drained my bank account into her personal account, I have no money. Yet I receive txt messages from her saying I love you and I wish I could take away your hurt.
Mind you, this has all taken place in 4 months. I never thought it would happen to me and I was never made aware of the signs. If I had, perhaps this could have all been avoided before we married when it was just the gaslighting. Never blame the victim because this is not a situation where anything the victim does contributes to the actions of the abuser. They do not love you! Anyone can be in a relationship with someone who chooses to be abusive, and it is a confusing, painful, scary situation; a situation that no one ever deserves to experience.
You should never be penalized or looked down on for refusing to be aggressive or hurt another person. We wish everyone made the choice to be respectful and non-violent, and participate in healthy relationships. As you know, your ex-wife had no right to hurt you or your kids in any way. Being treated this way by someone you love, who says that they love you is incredibly hurtful and confusing.
It can take time and work to make sense of what has been done to you, and you deserve all the help available on this journey. All conversations are anonymous and confidential. Gaslighting is such a subtle strategy abusers will use to gain and maintain power and control in the relationship.
There are many other strategies outlined in other blog posts. Know that you can also feel free to give our hotline a call at to talk them through with an advocate. But I have decided that all of the above is ok. He will not break me. Because the only thing worse then 15years with this man? Is spending my entire life living like that. We know that leaving can be a difficult and dangerous process.
You did what you needed to, and your choices kept you and your children safe and alive in a dangerous situation. Your children are lucky to have a mom who is so strong, and shows them that they deserve to be safe. Because of your choices, you and your children can now have a safe future. Holy cow — reading all this is such validation. As I read these, I see bits and pieces of my long-term recently ended relationship.
I started a log years ago because I was always told I was exaggerating, too sensitive, crazy, etc. Re-reading my log — and reading here — confirms even more what I already knew. Sending good thoughts to all here. Thank you so much for sharing with our blog community! I am so glad this post was so validating, we know that abuse can be so subtle sometimes that it is difficult to figure out exactly what is going on.
Keeping that log was such a good idea! Know that the National Domestic Violence Hotline is always available to talk this through. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost three years. I love him. I am feeling the same way that may of the other people have posted here. Not so much physical, but alot of mental. At her request for my point of view on something; then I am rediculed for my opinion.
Everything i do or say she turns it around as if I am attacking her. I am just running out of options. I have read the questionaire severl times in disbeleif that i am going through all of them. What am I suppose to do…? Hi Brooke, Wow, that is such an abusive situation. No one stays because they like being abused. Abusers have their good qualities and a lot of abusive relationships have good periods. This dynamic is what makes leaving so difficult. Anxiety attacks are tough to deal with and cause a lot suffering, yet they are not the cause of abusive behavior.
Abuse is about having power and control in a relationship. Ultimately, it is your decision what actions you decided to take. Please call us at whenever you need to talk. It can be quite a shock to realize that your relationship is abusive. One of the biggest signs of an abusive relationship is if nothing is ever good enough. Many abusers blame you for the abuse and try to make you feel like you are inferior. This is just one way of minimizing and justifying abusive behavior. Remember, no one ever has the right to be abusive towards you. There is nothing wrong with who you are or what you do that is causing the abuse.
An abuser will be abusive towards anyone they are with and no matter how perfectly you do things. Making a decision is difficult and overwhelming. To talk to an advocate, please call I just had a physical altercation with my ex-boyfriend yesterday. Our relationship has gone back and forth for about 7 months now. The longest he has stayed away from me has been 3 days.
He finally left at 3 this morning. Anytime I would talk about how I feel he would leave and then beg to come back. This last time I had it and we began to fight after I asked for the key to my home. He pushed and grabbed my arms and kicked, I was afraid so I waited til he got by the front door and as usual he throws the key across the room while yelling drunken obscenities. I was horrified and unable to sleep. He preceded to call me at least 25 times before he finally came to the house at am…I knew he would return I had changed the alarm code…but with him having the key nothing stops him from coming in.
I look up in he is standing in my bedroom door. I talked to him and he tried to play on my emotions of him being drunk and not being able to drive, well he was drunk when he left the first time. I stood my ground even if it could cost me my life…once I got my right key and got him out the door he hit me twice with the door in the face before leaving. I was in shock but a part of me is fearful of leaving the house. Because he knows our schedules so well. I never thought he was abusive, a little controlling…I mean nothing I did was right.
He got mad at for cleaning the kitchen after Thanksgiving meal at pm…saying I should have waited. He was faithful, overly loyal…. I thought I hit the lottery…when in reality I gained a liability who would make me feel as if my existence was only valid because he made it so. Am I overreacting? It sounds like your ex-boyfriend is very dangerous and taking that threat seriously is a very smart thing to do.
Knowing that someone who chooses to be violent towards you has access to your house and knows your schedule can be a terrifying situation. You made some really smart choices in the middle of a very scary situation and you are the reason why you and the kids were able to stay safe. He has no right to be threatening towards you or to hurt you or the kids. You have the right to be safe, emotionally, mentally, and physically. All calls are confidential and anonymous. It sounds like we dated the same person! He was a prick. An effete, horrible little prick who I loved.
When we met and for about the first six weeks it was perfect. No one has ever looked at me with that sort of obsessive infatuation. He idolised me and said I made him a better person. Then he forced sex on me. Stole from me. Frequently told me I was crazy. You feel like his eyes are the only eyes you can truly navigate the world with. I put up with this for a year. But it feels like it was forever and I am this flinchy untrusting basketcase. But men, I just cower. It sounds like your relationship was incredibly hurtful and dangerous.
A year is a long time to have someone you care about and love, someone you should be able to trust lying to you and manipulating your sense of reality. Gaslighting is so dangerous because of how it affects our perception and our ability to trust ourselves. No one has the right to be abusive — emotionally, sexually, financially. It may be helpful to find a local domestic violence counselor or support group as you work towards reclaiming the truth of who you are.
All conversations are confidential and anonymous. Hello there my name is Laura I am 26yrs Old, I live with my partner and I was just wondering if the same thing is happening to me. I have been in my relationship with my partner for 4 years and I think I am experiencing gas-lighting at home, I have been through some very emotional and negative times and was wondering if anyone could give me an explanation and what to do.
I also dont feel I get any emotion when I say I love you it sounds robotic …sometimes and the only time I get hugs is when I sleep or when he wants to have sex …. All I ever needed was someone to listen to I am at the moment at the stage of struggling to clean up after him and his friends …and I have to live in a tip! Thank you for sharing your situation with us. Emotional and verbal abuse are extremely affecting. We know how serious these attack are and how they make a person feel lost and confused. Abusers do blame their partners for everything.
Remember they want power and control over you so they attack your self-esteem and make you feel like everything you do is wrong. From what you have written, it sounds like he is being emotionally manipulative by withholding his emotions from you. His lack of affection could be a way of upsetting you and making you wonder if he loves you.
Again this is a way to have more power and control. I can imagine this situation frustrates you and that you react to the unhealthy environment. Unfortunately, most abusers do not change. They will not take responsibility for their abusive behavior. Please call us to discuss your situation further.
You may want to consider calling your local domestic violence hotline to get some guidance around what options you have. The number for the National Domestice Violence Hotline is My husband has been in the automotive retail sales business 47 years. A sly fox he is no one knows that he is only looking out for himself.
He can turn peoples decisions around on five minutes.
Abuse Survivors Quotes ( quotes)
He is a terrible husband. He is a workaholic and he paints himself as being a hard working loyal guy. He is never around to help me out with things. He is not handy but he is terribly cheap. My husband always down played serious events that happened to me and everything was always about him. Try to correct him on something and he would get angry. After caring for his mother for two long years daily she passed away and my husband treated me with such disrespect in front of people.
My own parents married 47 years until moms death to cancer when I was 26 , never fought not once in front of their two daughters. My father was a great man. My mother so awesome. I know they had differences but to the world they were so united and nothing could get between them. My parents never prepared me for how people are in the real world. No other kids cared about anyone but themselves.
I could feel pain others felt. So when my manipulation husband is later working me it took a long time before I caught on. It was had from the start. One tragic event after another. I started using drugs to numb the pain and my husband would rage and talk such h. Many abusers are like him, manipulative and lacking remorse for their actions. Abusers also tend to present a different picture to the outside world. We hear this all the time; the abuser is a terrible partner behind closed doors and presents himself as a great person in public.
You and your parents sound like wonderful, caring people. It must have been a shock to realize that anyone could be as manipulative or abusive as your husband. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Using drugs to numb the pain and trauma is more common than most people assume. In fact, many abusers may even pressure you to keep using drugs in order to justify their abuse and to have more control over you.
If you ever need to talk about your relationship or what options you might have, please feel free to call us at My now ex that I dated since April I broke up with him in November constantly gas lighted me. The part that stands out the most to me is he would constantly tell me I was stupid for feeling certain ways — our relationship started out rocky as he tried to cheat with many of my friends, but he convinced me I was stupid for believing my friends who I had known much better and longer than I had knew him.
I constantly felt worthless, un-needed, like a sex toy. It was always something wrong with me — never him. Thank you for sharing. Your feelings are always valid. I believe most people would have felt exactly like you did in your relationship. We also know that abusers can be extremely manipulative to the point that you question your own judgment and experiences. You had every right to let him know that the way he was treating you was not okay and that it made you feel awful.
You were communicating with him and trying to make the relationship healthy. Unfortunately, he only wanted to have power and control, not a healthy relationship. You deserve to be in a happy, healthy relationship. Here I am 45 years old trying to pull myself out of this hole. Gaslighting, sociopath to the fullest extreme. No one knows exept you people know what im going thru.
The professionals say I should be in treatment. Like Michelle I started taking screen shots because I know I was going to have to cover my ass. This guys is a monster. No where near the guy I met 2 years go. I honestly dont think ill ever get close to a man again. I just dont want to. My heart is shattered. I already know the answer to this but i want to destroy him. No one knows the person he is. He has everyone duped. You can even read his Yelp from work all the woean go goo goo over him. Makes me want to throw up. But, then i look like the bitter ex gf.
So many of the listed criteria fit perfectly. What makes me most confused though is he constantly says that he is being abused. He will look at something like this and say other people do these things to him. Then he tells his few friends and coworkers who do not know him very well that I am not only crazy but that I have all sorts of mental disorders and am abusive. A few times he actually did this last night he will print out abusive criteria or mental disorders and highlight all of the areas he claims I have.
It is always a different list. He has a BA in Psychology and therefore assumes he is qualified to diagnose anyone, and frequently does. I have never laid my hands on him, though he has me. He does things though like pull my hair when he is screaming so he can pull my ear closer to him, but then denies ever doing such a thing. He tells me I am crazy and am making it up so that people will feel bad for me. Or he will throw a cup at me if he is mad and its in his hands and later he says he only through the water on me and that Im lying.
He will lie to his friends, family and coworkers who then in turn are extremely rude to me making me feel very alone. When I see them I feel very embarrassed as they believe all of these lies about me. The few times Ive stood up for myself they attack me with odd lies that they have been told. I know what type of person you are. I have come to learn that he was not at all.
Of course I have my own friends and family. They all dislike him and after 10 years see his abusive nature. At first they all thought he was so sweet and good to me. Little by little he started to let his behavior slip in front of some of them. He now hates all of them. He says they are all liars, horrible people, criminals I have no idea where this even comes from, it is totally odd , etc.
Yet other times when he is angry he will tell me how my family secretly thinks Im crazy or a horrible partner, etc too. We cant even drive down the street without him being irritated about something…the way EVERYONE else drives, what people are doing, what they are wearing, how they look. He makes comments loudly in public places about other peoples clothing or look.
He will randomly come home and open the dishwasher to put his coffee cup in from work and become irate the dishwasher isnt loaded how he wants. Or the paper towels are not where he wants them or whatever it is that day. Or the dishes in the cupboard are not put away like he wants. He will start slamming cupboards or dishes after that. One time he made me get up and have a lesson on how I should load the dishwasher, literally screaming the whole time in my face. If I ever try to explain there might be more than one right way to do something or why I put something somewhere, he just responds that Im ignorant or stupid and that he is doing it the right way.
Then later he flat out says Im lying or exaggerating. I think he also has some resentment about this and has been worse since I joined even though he said he would be supportive. While I was in training he would constantly do things like accuse me of cheating with every person in my class. Or I would get out of class at 7 and call to talk to the kids. I would have a missed call from 5 when he got off work. He would then not answer and text me back that if I had wanted to talk to the kids I would have answered when he called and then tell me Im a liar and I got out of class at 5, when I didnt.
Or I would call and he wouldnt answer at all and then he would text me really late and say the kids were already asleep. On other days he would text me what a horrible mother I am for not talking to my kids enough. When we would fight he would text me he was going to take my dog to the pound and have her put down or that he was moving all of my belongings out and I would never see the kids again. I could go on and on here.
I would wake up some mornings after a disagreement and have 50 text messages calling me names and telling me how horrible I am and how I dont love my kids, etc. One of the other things that has caused conflict is his hypocrisy. He will constantly mumble rude things under his breath, but if I dare once in a while mumble anything, all heck breaks lose…he will start calling me names, cursing, screaming in my face, breaking things and then blame it all on me.
Even if what I mumbled was not something about him, he insists I am a liar and that it was. The one time I calmly at a later time brought up it hurt me that he constantly does the same thing yet gets very angry the few times I have, he became enraged and told me not to talk about what he does and to fix myself. He punches walls when he gets mad, throws things, slams doors, will follow me around the house until I listen and he is done.
If I lock myself in a bathroom he just yells for an hour or two through the door or he picks the lock. Yet I am the one apologizing. Even when I have asked him to apologize out of some hope he feels remorse, he tells me not to ask him and the he will on his own, yet he NEVER has or does. Then if I bring it up he gets irate. I find myself not telling my friends anymore what happens because they just want me to leave and they are frustrated.
I lie about his behavior often to minimize it too or I make excuses…. Lately he has been worse as I finally called the police on him. Unfortunately when the police came at first they didnt believe me. They said it was he said-she said. Luckily I had audio recorded part of it and after listening to it they believed me and they took him. They couldnt use the recording in court however and I didnt want to testify so they dropped the charges.
He started going to anger management before the court date but now he wont go. He said the DA dropping the charges proves I was lying and making stuff up. Now he is mad because the police took all his guns We had 6 and I only knew about 2 of them before the police came and he has not received them back yet. That is my fault too. He is waiting for some letter from DOJ and has not received it but almost everyday this week he has made really rude comments that I stole the letter.
I am worried about leaving because he constantly lies about what I do or what he does. While I have pictures of some the abuse like holes in the wall, scratches on my arms and back and even a few texts messages where he in the beginning admitted to some minor things, I dont think any of it will be enough.
I am very worried if I leave that he will get joint custody of the kids and I worry for their safety. He has never directly physically abused them but constantly abuses me in front of them. He also has done some very oddly cruel things to them but I dont have proof and theyre quite young. Like my three year old daughter take a sippy cup of milk to bed. One evening she came in my room crying and shivering. I picked her up and she was soaked.
He was irate I changed her and that started his yelling and screaming too. Or when she was 2 and still potty training, she pooped in her pull up and he told her how disgusting she was and made her go change it herself. I intervened and helped her She was crying and had poop on her hand from trying to clean herself and he became irate at that.
Or while I was gone and we were facetiming he was trying to change her diaper and she wouldnt hold still she was a little over 2 at the time maybe 26 months he started spanking her what seemed like really hard over the facetime. I obviously was upset as we had discussed not spanking them and he told me I wasnt there so I had no say and then he hung up on me and wouldnt let me talk to the kids. Im concerned this behavior will escalate or if Im not there and he is upset he will start taking it out on them.
Whenever our daughter does something he doesnt like he tells her and me she is evil. I dont want to leave and then have him get the kids or even partial custody without him have supervision or something. He tells me that wont happen though because he has never done anything and that Im crazy.
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He also tells me his friends know he is a good father. Then threatens that because Im in the military he will get custody of them. I also dont leave because somewhere deep down I feel like I owe it to him to help him or to try to get him counseling or something He actually goes as its mandated by his retirement through the VA. Plus then I see how nice he is to his friends and other people and I keep feeling like their is something wrong with me.
I am sorry that you are going through this abuse and hope you can find the way out of it soon. I can imagine that your heart is shattered. I hope that you can find the help you need to believe in relationships again one day. So you speak about wanting revenge. Some women who are in abusive relationship feel that way. You see others thinking the abuser is such a wonderful person when you know that is a lie.
Maybe this is something you could speak with a therapist about?
Yes, Childhood Sexual Abuse Often Does Contribute to Homosexuality
Please call us to talk about this. The number for the National Domesic Violence hotline is Dear KRH, What a difficult situation you are in. The abuse by your partner is intense and so controlling. It is true that they will use any and all situations to blow up, i. I can understand why your friends and family do not like him.
They see how he is treating you and are deeply concerned. Your letter details so many levels of abuse it is hard to know where to start. It is clear that he is not taking any responsibility for his abusive behavior. I know you are afraid to leave him because he may get joint custody of the children. I would just point out that by staying; your children are living in constant fear in an abusive household. Maybe you could fight for supervised visitation of the children if you decided to leave him? Ultimately you are the only person that can change your life.
You deserve to be happy and you and your children deserve to live without domestic violence. Remember no one can change or save another person, we can only change and save ourselves. Please get help for yourself. There are domestic violence agencies that can meet with you to look at your options. They also have therapy and support groups to get you through these difficult times.
Call us for this information. The number for the National Domestic Violence hotline is I am at wits end. My husband has had major depression for 5 years. He works on projects that interest him, but never brings home any money. He has always been paranoid. Recently he found innocent emails of mine.
He says they are evidence of infidelity. He went crazy this past summer. It was so craz,y that I said we should divorce. He refused to talk about it. We suppress the knowledge of God we do have and we have an aversion of loving and honoring God. This fundamental doctrine of radical depravity instructs us that sin permeates and infects every area of our being, including our sexuality. This in no way excuses us from the sinful activities we engage in because we know better.
Yet, the banding together to celebrate that which God hates is common to sinful people and societies. It is incontrovertible that a significant percentage of gay men like to have sex with underage boys. There is an entire language in the gay culture for this. The man-boy thing is a real thing among gays. Typically, they prey on boys who are gay and who are thrilled by the experience of affection from an older man who finds them attractive. Most boys who are not gay would naturally be revolted by it the advances of a man, and would resist.
And God calls us all to repent of all of it and to return to Him with all our hearts. Seems to me we should be able to agree that no one older should be pushing teens to have sex, no matter of what orientation. One difficulty, I think, is that the teenage years are generally when sexual desires are very strong. In other words, a time when teens can easily make bad decisions about sex, as well as allowing themselves to be manipulated or forced into having sex. Not good for anybody, I think, generally. How to stop it is another question.
It was or when I saw it. That was a wakeup call to the dangers of male homosexual sex for me. I always saw it as a strange thing up to that point, but this made the dangers of it apparent. Your story is merely anecdotal evidence. One kid you happen to know had the experience of being molested by a man before he had come to recognize his own sexuality. If that were true what explains all the molested boys who grow up to identify as heterosexual? Or the millions of happily gay men who were never molested at all?
No causation here, sorry. This was a long held belief until science arrived. Sorry, just not a fact based belief. Free Your Mind! My onetime best friend was probably never molested at all, for example, but I could see other factors leading to his homosexuality.
The rest of what you say is just appeal-to-authority fallacy. It may be because you want to go with the flow, or because it supports what you want to believe. Funny, decent people would look at it from the other direction: That homosexuality might be disagreeable to you, but that child abuse is inexcusable. Says a lot about your priorities. Why should homosexuality be illegal? Because it is a hazard to society. It spreads disease and costs citizens a lot of money with no benefit to anyone. It also leads to the breakdown of morality in society which leads to many problems and expenses.
I would have no problem banning all recreational drugs. Lots of people live to be old eating cheeseburgers and bacon in moderation. An immoral society is very hard to govern and cannot be trusted to behave themselves. They are prone to hurt themselves, and others and cause a lot of problems. Hiring police and keeping people in jail is very expensive and unproductive. Those problems could be lessened if everyone would do what is right. We enforce some morals now. We have laws against murder, theft, and some other things that are immoral. But, if people would police themselves and not do those things, no one else would have to police them.
Why is Islamic Law any worse than Christian law, if you want to enforce your own morality? Assuming you decide to enforce monogamy, heterosexuality, prohibitions on drugs, etc, how will you be any different from Saudi Arabia, considering that these are literally the same laws that are enforced there. Saudi Arabia also bans homosexuality, recreational drugs, fornication, etc…. If you are really interested, you might do a study of the differences between Christianity and islam.
But you need not worry that a Christian theocracy will be employed any time soon. Eventually, it will. But first, an anti-Christian dictatorship will come along. You might like it. Like I said, you want to ban the exact same thing that an Islamic theocracy is currently banning.
Are you sane? I doubt it. But I know you are wicked. Your support for homosexuals proves that. Islamic law puts homosexuals and those accused of homosexuality to death. Islamic law puts adulterers and those accused of adultery to death, and especially women who are the victims of rape. So how would you punish people, in your Christian theocracy, who broke prohibitions against homosexuality, fornication, and recreational drug use? Since you asked me what I would do, I would say that I would not recognize homosexual unions as being marriages, but I would not prohibit the union. There is a very long waiting list in many places in America.
As for fornication, I would do away with any governmental structures and programs that encourage fornication over marriage. The welfare system discourages marriage for fornication instead. I would eliminate anything from government that discourages marriage. Marriage is what is best for children and women.
Divorce and fornication are not. As for drugs, I would decriminalize end users in large part, but would heavily go after the traffickers to eliminate the flow of drugs into the country. I would seek to make it easier for people to get into successful rehabilitation programs so as not to be hooked on drugs for the rest of their lives. Everybody makes their own choices with how far they are willing for morality to impact their personal lives.
Governments cannot make individuals embrace a certain form of morality, but they can stop doing things that promote people embracing harmful practices. Yet heterosexual people also spread disease. And sadly, our society rejects the one thing that would protect it from sexually transmitted diseases: monogamous heterosexual marriage for life with lots of sex within it and no sex outside of it.
When we live in a way that is against what we were made for, we should not expect that things would go well for us. I want to ask you to Google whale. Prescott, and tell me your thoughts on that. It seems to be suggesting that the standard you are giving tends to lead to violence and abuse within a given society. Yes, heterosexuals spread disease. But not all churches are like that! Will pray for you, Mr. It seems that thinking that way gives them an out to blame someone else for their own perversion and filling their own selfish lusts.
Thanks for sharing. Had you had any sexual experiences prior to experiencing homosexual desires? One man who shared his story online mentioned how pornography initially viewed out of heterosexual lust turned into homosexual lust for him, and that was the beginning of his homosexual desires. Have you heard of that happening with others? I realize that both what I mentioned above and what Dr. Brown mentioned are simply anecdotal and that anecdotal evidence rates lower than most other things. I would suggest that all people are sexually broken and that there are none who are pure.
I would also suggest that there is a God who has standards that we all fall short of and are not excused from following.
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Therefore, we all need not only His mercy and forgiveness, but for Him to heal us from our brokenness or to give us the strength to act rightly as we seek to live our lives for Him. I have Christian friends who also have homosexual desires but chose to follow Christ instead of those desires. My problem with Christianity is the selectivity of its anecdotal evidence. Christians are called to a higher standard, yet they often act just as the secular media dies and ignore stories from the other side.
I realize this is unrelated, but I wanted to give you a specific example of what I am talking about. I have struggled and continue to struggle with this myself. But I read this entire article, published to Face book by a conservative friend, before commenting here. But I am trying. I hope you try as well. If we were to do that and list out the greatest faults we find, I believe my list would be much longer than yours. Because the world is filled with poor thinkers.
And not just poor — very poor! And just as they are found in places that you frequent and within groups you identify with, there are also many who are found in places I frequent and within groups I identify with. Islam is a mixed bag. There are nice, sweet friendly people and there are murderous terrorists and those who approve in every way of the murderous terrorists. They all exist. My friend was one of the nice, sweet friendly ones and he was murdered for a terrorist. He spoke out against terrorism. Another one does the same. Meanwhile, actual terrorists are in America scheming to kill multitudes of innocent non-Muslims because they are infidels, as was the case this past week in a town nearby where I live.
Maybe I did not read what you wrote very well, what exactly is your struggle?
Christians being not very wise or fair to evidence, homosexual desire, or something else? If the second, I would say that I struggle with illicit sexual desire myself. Those desires are to look at women lustfully, to fantasize about them in my mind, etc. I only want to have desires for my wife which I do have and for no one else.
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I was not sexually abused as a child. I was not mistreated nor did I have a bad relationship with my father or mother. It was not pornography that got me to that point. These just seem to be the desires that come naturally to me. As I pointed out above, my explanation for my unholy thoughts and desires is not simply that I am a sinner though I admittedly am one and a terrible one at that but that I am also a broken human being, broken by the Fall in every way, and am quite incapable of changing myself.
I need God the Healer every day. And I would add that I experience His rich mercy and grace and healing quite regularly. First I would point out that it is Muslims who are one of the if not the biggest victims of terrorism. Third, yes, I have a mate. He and I are both furries. We love each other very much. I will always love him, for as long as he wants to be with me. I hope it is for life. I realize this perspective is hated by most of modern Christianity, and I do not state my beliefs to provoke you to anger, but because I believe it is The truth.
Belief in a non-existent imaginary god is not sufficient reason to declare homosexuality immoral. Calling God a non-existent imaginary god is not sufficient reason for God to suddenly cease to exist or to do away with His standards. God exists. In fact, God is the only explanation that works for the existence of anything. In time, he will believe God is real. But it will be too late to be of any benefit to him. While reflecting upon the parental love of God, a story came to mind that I read some months ago. In this story a man who was entirely careless of spiritual things died and went to hell.
And he was much missed on earth by his old friends. His business manager went down to the gates of hell to see if there were any chance of bringing him back. But, though he pleaded for the gates to be opened, the iron bars never yielded. His cricket captain went also and besought Satan to let him out just for the remainder of the season. But there was no response. Let him have another chance. Let him out just this once. For love goes down through the gates of hell and there redeems the damned!
Our Father and God, incarnate in the Person of Jesus Christ, holds in His nail-pierced hand the keys of death and hell. O grave, where is Your victory? According to the Bible, once in Hell, always in Hell. Redemption happens while one is living on earth, or it never happens. Weymouth New Testament It follows then that just as the result of a single transgression is a condemnation which extends to the whole race, so also the result of a single decree of righteousness is a life-giving acquittal which extends to the whole race.
The Bible does not teach universal salvation. I don't understand how anyone could…unless you live in a moral vacuum. Thank you for answering honestly. I assumed as much. The reason you would not follow God is because you hate God. And the Keebler Elves? Why do you hate Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy? But if I did go on rants about them not existing and talk about how Santa Claus is a total lie in conversations with strangers, I would be willing to reconsider my stance if a stranger offered me sound, reasonable evidence for their existence.
We are now in the same boat. You hate my Leprechaun friend, and I hate your invisible god. Perhaps you can resolve this by offering me "sound, reasonable evidence" for the existence of God. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep.
Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
If you have some missing "information" that is convincing, I am all ears. I have a reasonable interpretation of existing information. You did. I freely admit I believe the Bible. Shocker, right?
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Yet, I did not bring it up. Back to the question, do you agree that the universe time, space, matter, and energy had a beginning? Go back 3 posts, sir. Now you are just being dishonest. You loose credibility when you don't back up claims and play games. Or moral. If you are talking about the kind of slavery practiced in the US before the civil war, that was immoral because God said so.
Those people were kidnapped, which God condemns, and forced to work for people they did not have any obligation to, which God also condemns. Delete the space between the dot and com and paste to your browser. There is no basis for immorality in atheism. Morality can only exist if there is a God to define what it is. If there is no God, then there can be no such thing as morality. I was never sexually abused as a child or young teenager. I still turned out bisexual. I was in a two year relationship with a guy previous to me being involved with a woman.
My ex was a good person. Thanks for sharing, Elizabeth. I personally think men are more susceptible to pornography because we seem to be wired more for visual stimulation. What I mean is, did you wake up suddenly one day desiring women or did you find the desires gradually coming on? No, I have not heard of that happening with others. I treat stories of people being turned homosexual by pornography with severe scepticism. It has not been uncommon in the past for people, especially younger people, who cannot come to terms with their homosexual orientation to try to change it to a heterosexual one by using heterosexual pornography.
I dare say that some are still trying it. They invariably fail. I see no reason to believe that the opposite process is any more likely of success. It was on a website dedicated to helping people find sexual purity in a sexually impure world pornography, as you seem to also understand it, is one of those impure things. His story was that he was a full-blooded heterosexual male with a big sexual appetite that he followed into spending countless hours of watching porn and masturbation. He was getting his kicks from watching the women, but eventually that transitioned to also deriving pleasure from watching the men.
And it went from viewing onscreen sexual acts to sexual acts in person. But, the moral of the story as he put it was that his out of control appetite for pornography and following those desires for sexual pleasure are how he found himself hooked on and trapped by every manner of sexual sin biblically defined. Out of curiosity, why do you disapprove of pornography? That seems somewhat counterintuitive to me. From my experiences in talking with gay people, I have come to expect a near blanket approval of almost any form of sexual expression.
Do you find yourself in somewhat of a minority on that? I really just want to understand people better. I believe that sexual behaviour should be the expression of love between partners. The danger of pornography is that it is not only a distraction from that, but can easily become a substitute for it, sometimes an addictive one. That is why I do not regard it as something to be encouraged.
I like your answer. It is a cheap substitute for something that is exceedingly better. Promising much, they deliver pitifully little compared to what would be ours if we lived in accordance with what we were made for and Him who made us. It is dangerous and lazy to come to a firm conclusion about things from correlation in isolation. True, but it is likewise dangerous and lazy to recognize that correlation does not equal causation while likewise dismissing the possibility that a specific identified correlation could, therefore, not also be causative. There may very well be, but it is my non-scientific belief that there are likely multiple reasons people end up with homosexual desires.
Actually, all of us have desires that are out of step with the antecedents for which they were created. God works through the fall. God works through each heart and mind saying yes to what we believe and then letting us experience the consequences. Sin is illusion. Loving another being is greater than illusion. Yes, God works through the Fall. Jesus became cursed Himself to redeem us from the curse of the Fall. He sacrificially gave His own life to rescue us from the wrath we deserve for our sin-filled rebellion against God by absorbing that wrath in Himself and removing it from everyone who believes in Him.
He became sin so that we could become children of God. God certainly works through the Fall. As for sin being an illusion, I am not the One who decides that. And based on everything I have read and understand, sin is willful rebellion against God and His commandments which He has written on our hearts via our consciences how we innately understand it is wrong to murder and steal.
We should honor Him with one day out of seven set aside for worship because He has honored us by creating us and giving us time on this Earth. We should honor our parents because they in a very small way act as His representatives by loving and caring for us as He likewise honorably loves and cares for us. They are all designed to point us to love God and love people. If I love God, I will not misuse His holy name. If I love my wife, I will not commit adultery.
If I love you, I will not lie to you or falsely accuse you. Love is the greatest thing we can do. Truth is the greatest thing we can believe. There are probably many causes. This may very well be one of them. However, God did not make any of us to be gay or anything other than heterosexually and lovingly committed to and sexually joined to one partner for life. All the brokenness in this world is a result of mankind turning from God to follow our own pursuits i.
Everyone is a sexual sinner in need of The Savior, and none of us can claim we are without sin and, therefore, without need of The Savior. We all have to turn from sexual sin — no matter if our orientation is heterosexual sin or homosexual sin — and turn to the Lord in repentance and faith. For the heterosexual this means repenting of lust and turning away from images and thoughts and acts that are outside of a lifelong, committed heterosexual marriage to one partner for life.
For the homosexual this means repenting of lust and turning away from images and thoughts and acts that are outside of a lifelong, committed, heterosexual marriage to one partner for life. We are all fallen and all broken and all in need of the healing hand of God. And there is a God who will ultimately bring the healing we seek when we seek it in Him. We may not see this healing until we check out of this broken world, but only those who turn to Him will ever experience His healing and it will be everlasting.
Those who love their sin more than God will only ever experience brokenness and it will be everlasting. Keep your fantasy stories of angry, vindictive sky-wizards out of the conversations of adults. If you want to believe that garbage, go right ahead, but it has absolutely no merit. Preach your hate and goofy crap elsewhere.
That was not very persuasive. Or scientific. Or winsome. Apparently you believe in eternal universes? If these stories work for you, then enjoy them. If your story of a self-creating universe works for you, then enjoy them. But as an adult, you should be able to spot fiction when you read it. For your benefit I will underline all the truth claims in your original statement to me and bolden all your evaluations of those truth claims:.
If you want to believe that garbage , go right ahead, but it has absolutely no merit. I can spot fiction when I read it. A self-creating or an eternal universe is abjectly fictitious. It belongs to the genre of fantasy. And here you could be gaining favour by telling the wizard how great and awesome he is, assuring your eventual lodging in a solid-gold palace in the sky. Most people probably do get mad when they disagree. On this subject, it is rare that I would get perturbed. I get it. I was probably that way once myself. I did attack the alternatives ever so slightly.
Truth matters. I would like to point out that the God of the Christians does not impart favour in response to receiving worship nor does He grant Heaven due to either our worship or service. Both His favour and Heaven are given as a free gift that He gives to guilty sinners such as me who turn from living for themselves and their sins and turn to Him, and it is all because of the righteous life of Jesus and His substitutionary sacrifice of Himself in our place. And while I am fully aware that you do not believe any of the above paragraph, I have witnessed God transform even the hardest of hearts by the truths in that paragraph.
I have asked the Lord to surprise you by His grace as well. There will be no surprise. Then I grew up and realized that organized religion and yes, even Christianity was a man-created myth that has been used throughout history to control people. Feel free to preach this stuff to whoever will listen to it. For your sake, I can only hope you are right. I was more than a bit surprised to hear two other people corroborate they too had identical experiences at the exact moment I had in the exact place I had and that a third person had actually seen Jesus Christ in the same room at the same moment.
In other words, 4 people independently witnessed or experienced the presence of God in that room. Heck, I was asleep when it happened and was awakened by it. I am curious though, what made you come to the conclusion that Christianity was a man-created myth. There must have been a process to it as opposed to waking up on Tuesday not believing everything you held dear on Monday. Of course it was an involved process, but just like you having a magical moment, I had one too.
And it involved no longer buying the bible stories. Romans 1 can not be used against same sex attracted people. SSA people know from very childhood they are same sex attracted. Many christian men and women have prayed and cried out to God day and night but they got no answer. We SSA people never rejected God. If romans 1 is truth, than all idol worshippers would of been lgbt, because they worship creatures instead of the creator. But they are not gays. There are atheists who rejected God , but they are not gays.
Hop you understand what I mean. True, Rom says that God gave them over to this spirit of a reprobate mind, which is a diabolical spirit from satan to send confusion to a person that has allowed themselves to be open to this spirit. A spirit can not just take a person over without a person giving this spirit the authority by embracing it instead of confronting it. And from the article most people who have been caught up in this life style never ever tell on their abuser because they have been told not to tell anyone or they will get themselves and the person who abused them in trouble.
So they live with this until they have been convinced that its okay and that their is nothing wrong trying to put the trauma behind them, but instead of doing just that, they end up drawing to more people caught up with the same problem and then they give themselves over to this spirit, and convince themselves that this lie is normal and that they were born this way, which contradicts the proof from the article. Many people have been delivered, healed and set free from this life style by the Power of The Spirit of God.
I suggest you start reading the passage at Romans to get a full understand of what Paul is talking about in this section of Romans. Also, you might want to read the opening verses of Romans 2. God is angry at people who suppress the truth, because the truth is so plainly revealed in everyday life. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error. So God let these idol worshipers degrade themselves with sexual acts that were not natural for these people.
They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31 they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. And we conclude Romans 1 with a nice long list of what God allowed these people to do. That came much later for our collective benefit. So, going into Romans Wait… what is that? Do not pass judgement on those people he was just writing about?? Why would this be here?
Peace be with you, brother. I pray you get to know your gay brothers and sisters for who they are. I agree. It IS a progression. First, people turned their backs on God and started worshiping idols Romans Then God gave them over to their sinful desires, because they no longer worshiped Him Romans However, the next thing that follows Romans is a rebuke about judging the people Paul was writing about in Romans 1, clearly stating that by judging others you condemn yourself.
The entire point of Romans 1 is to set you up so Paul could slap you in the face with your own arrogance in Romans 2. The information was suppressed by the homosexual community during that time, they had no answer for trying to say that they were born this way, and no medical doctor has ever confirmed this to be the case as well, in fact many have concluded that their is no such Genetic or DNA strand or Cell comprised at birth or during the birth cycle.
Rom says that God gave them over to this spirit of a reprobate mind, which is a diabolical spirit from satan to send confusion to a person that has allowed themselves to be open to this spirit. The study would not be taken seriously today because it is over 50 years old. Yet I was never sexually abused as a child or a teenager.
We are all born with sin of Adam on our hands. Though my sins are scarlet they will be made white as snow. I think he is gay, honestly. My own thoughts on this issue is that even if people are not born gay, it does not follow that homosexuality can be cured. It is probably a psychiatric disease there is also a correlation between psych illnesses and abuse, in my experience and there are very few if any psych diseases that are curable. If Robert Oscar Lopez calls himself bisexual then he is bisexual. This statement renders the entire point of this article ludicrous and meritless in determining how society is to treat LGBT people especially LGBT youth in general as a whole.
It makes no sense to eliminate it unless the agenda is to continue stigmatizing LGBT children. Why must the religious right see children as sexual objects or sex representatives and not as fellow humans? How creepy is that?