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Manual Millennial Love Sucks! But Does it Have to?

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Did you hear that? Many of you suck at being parents. Everyone else has already handled that. I was taught that when your parents tell you to do something, you do it. When a senior citizen talks, you shut your mouth and listen.

Millennials Are Destroying The Next Generation and It’s Ruining America

You were punished at home when detention was over. If you screwed up in life, you apologized. You owned your mistake. You learned from it.

Sam Fender: 'I don't identify as millennial' - BBC News

You put on your big boy pants and fixed it. They want to drink their way through college and have taxpayers pick up the tab … and then are RIPPING mad when they get to graduate school and see how much comes out of their paycheck in taxes. Shut up. Buckle up. Appreciate the fact that you have a job and keep working your way up.

Eight weeks of paid vacation out of school? You teach your daughter to embrace her body by showing it off in skimpy and revealing clothing … but then declare METOO when you hear a guy whistle at her. Not touch her, mind you, but make a pass. And then you sit down and watch The Kardashians with her so that you can see the latest saga over Kim breaking the Internet with her naked butt. Our fathers were mowed down in the jungles of Vietnam.

But really, what this completely real trend the Post has identified shows is that millennials have cracked the code. For most of human history, young people have spent a good chunk of their lives going "out," which mainly meant getting fucked up on mead or some mildly poisonous herb, then having sex with a stranger, waking up in a field, or both.

Youths are always derided for this by the older generations, who claim that in their day the herbs were less poisonous and the outdoor coitus less brazen. Most of these kids, of course, settle down with one another and devote themselves to not being completely crushed by whatever economic system looms over them. Occasionally, they'll walk by a field and laugh fondly, knowing that their reckless phase has passed, and that what they really want to do is just hang out in front a fire with some of their closest friends and describe episodes of premium cable shows to one another. The wildest these nights ever get is when one of them cheekily brings some poisonous herbs to spice things up.

But millennials—if you believe the Post , and why wouldn't you? Fuck going out.

Sam Fender: 'I don't identify as millennial'

Fuck "out. You know what's great?

This Baby Boomer Says Millennials Are Stupid To Marry For Love

Sitting around and watching TV. Have you tried it? You get to wear comfortable clothes, summon whatever food you want via phone and eat it with your hands, go to bed when you choose—for most of the humans who have ever lived, this generation's typical night in represents an impossible pinnacle of luxury. People used to worry about stuff like drought, famine, and a new band of men with swords riding into town.


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Don't underestimate the simple luxuries of a glass of wine, a roof overhead, and a screen that can show you anything you can imagine. So stay in tonight. Get a decent bottle of red wine or one of those bourgeois-ass beers that's brewed with like, lemon peels.

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Watch an entire Prince concert or a shitload of Peep Show. Or, fuck it, go Full Old and read a book. Sleep when you're tired.

Following your passion doesn't always translate into a high-paying job