I am simply rescheduling and rearranging my symptoms in order to get by and sometimes getting by is all I can do. My mind is a hard thing to keep up with. The hardest part is the switch..
Only knowing each day will bring a change and maybe even some challenges. Stepping closer to the switch. The medication will never take away the cycles I go through, but it keeps the scale smaller. Meaning my highs and lows are still there but not as extreme. Falling into depression leaves a mess around me. I use everything in me to get through the day and accomplish the things I have to. When I finally start to come out of my depressed state it feels great, but I easily slip into hypomania quickly followed by frustration because of the mess I left behind.
Sometimes I need to be alone in my thoughts and other times I desperately run from them. Throughout the day, I find myself questioning every feeling I have… big or small. My mind will pick every tiny situation apart and analyze everything. I do gain some qualities from this, but ultimately it is dire exhaustion. Suddenly I become trapped again. Mental instability is a part of my life.
I fight everyday to be stronger but sometimes the monster wins. Frozen… paralyzed by the constant rumination of thoughts. The thoughts always going and going and obsessing and going so fast I cannot separate them to know exactly what I am thinking of in the moment.
Or the tortuous worry. Always wondering if I did this or that, double checking everything, is someone mad, are they okay, what should I do with myself…. I will only be wasting time if I sit and relax.
Do I even know how to relax!? Then comes the guilt of not spending enough quality time with my family.. BUT the house has to be perfect for them… and myself. A viscous cycle! Like everything else.. No energy is left for me at the end of a work day to even try and weekends… I go in circles. I find myself feeling guilt if I am not spending all of my time completing task after task. Sounds stupid. I know what my mind is obsessing about, but there is also a blur.
This gets irritating. It tends to frustrate me because I realize I am doing it but I cannot help it. I do something random like count just to remove the thoughts and start over with the moment. This is just one example of mental exhaustion. I spend my present time worrying about my future time and when I finally get to the future time I was stressing over I am already beginning to obsess and worry about the next thing.
One thing is always replaced with another. A constant state of worry can make you crazy or at least feel crazy.
The fact I cannot always control emotions, thoughts and feelings disturbs me. I should be able to control myself. Especially when you are high functioning with bipolar. I am not normal nor do I want to be. A lot of good can be pointed out of bipolar, but with the good comes the bad. Watching every step I make. It becomes a lot of work to keep yourself in check.
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Once you start to slip there is almost no catching yourself from riding the cycle. It becomes overwhelming. It appears out of no where and reaches into my soul — down to the depths of unknown buried pain. I feel the shadow of the monster and it rips every emotion out of me. I fight, but sometimes the monster wins. I know there is always light at the end of the tunnel so I keep going…. Mis-glued teeth is not an uncommon occurrence when dealing with human remains in museum collections. I'll vouch for wilma, it's a central.
I'm a dentist and I know what teeth look like cause I stare at em every friggen day. At the height of Mayan civilization, body modification included a variety of alterations of the teeth. Teeth were sharpened to points, or into the letter "T" to represent the wind-glyph, and green jade was inlaid to "purify breath or express elegant speech. Holes in the teeth were created by spinning a drill with a bow as in firestarting , and using powdered quartz as an abrasive.
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Modified dentition was always in the visible parts of the mouth for display; there is no evidence of restorative dental work for functional purposes. Email This BlogThis! Labels: archaeology , art , medicine. Megan March 19, at PM. Joshua Berman March 20, at AM.
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